Why Are You Surprised By Nancy?

So, she decided to have a vote on a Saturday night. You are surprised? Really? Desperation causes people to do silly things. Nancy and Harry desperately need to do something that makes it appears like they have an accomplishment. So, they've done it. Big deal. When you have a party majority and you barely get a bill passed, well then I have to say...whatever. The Senate will do the right thing. Right? Right?

Riveted By Balloon Boy? Pathetic.

Maybe I've just grown cynical in my advanced age, but, I'm not sure why anyone would have been riveted by the "balloon boy" saga. Seriously. Don't you have more important things to worry about? Now, it's even more pathetic that y'all who were riveted, were riveted by a hoax! Suckers. Then again, you probably voted for hope and change.

Obama Is A World-Class Hypocrite

Thanks to NewsBusters for this article. Fifteen freakin' grand for a play set? Holy crap!! Maybe it's time to review what the ice princess really meant by hope and change. Some possibilities:

• He hoped his job would change.
• He hoped his income would change.
• He hoped we wouldn't notice his words would change.
  
• He hoped that spending fifteen freakin' grand for a playset would feel like spending chump change.

I'm sorry, but this just pisses me off. He's out there talking about the crappy economy and that times are tough, yada, yada, yada, and he's now going to spend more money on a freakin' play set than I make in a year. And, he'll do it with that evil smile. Jackass.

Glad Obama Thinks It's Funny

If you have not seen this, you might as well watch it.

I mean, seriously. What kind of moron says something like this? "Gallows humor"? What kind of moron sits there and laughs like a complete idiot?

First, he bowls like a Special Olympian (which is actually a slam at the fantastic Special Olympians because most of them could kick his ass) and now he loves gallows humor. Good grief. I'm not sure how anybody can sit there, watch this guy laugh like that and not punch him right in the mouth.

I want you to name for me one Republican who could have made those two statements and then kept their jobs. This guy is cold. He's like those girls in high school that everyone referred to as "ice princess": they were not as pretty as they thought, they put everyone down to elevate themselves and they were not as popular as they losers around them thought. So, I now retire the moniker "the messiah" and will now refer to this president as the "ice princess".

Obama a Communist?

I have little doubt that the messiah and most of the Democrat leadership are closet Socialists/Communists. This "stimulus" abomination should be enough proof. Except for you closet Socialists/Communists who think it is great. Came across this article this morning. Read at your own risk and don't shoot the messenger.

Biden - One Man Laugh Factory

I can't even describe how funny/idiotic Biden is. He's either too funny or just unbelievably stupid. I cannot fathom anybody being like this on purpose, but how knows. You be the judge. We have the following exhibits:

Asking a wheel-chair bound state senator to stand up:



Saying Hillary would have been a better choice as VP (maybe he's right, but isn't he dissing the judgment of the messiah):



Joking back in the debates (the one time he does the smart thing):



This is the only reason a messiah presidency would be worth it: having Biden bless us with his stupidity for four years.

Joe Biden - World Class Flip-Flopper

I have always found the presidential primary process fascinating for one reason: hypocrisy. You have a group of 8 - 10 people beating the crap out of each other and then the "winner", for some reason, picks one of the people that was just beating him up (and he was beating up) to be his VP. So, the messiah picked Biden. Interesting, because, in one of the early Democrat debates, Biden said that the job of president is not a place for on the job training. Sounds to me that Biden, not too long ago, felt that the messiah was not qualified. McCain had an ad made about this, which is cool.



Then, to make matters worse, here's what Biden had to say about Mrs. Palin a couple days ago: "Everything I know about her, there's no reason not to respect her and believe she's qualified to be the vice president." The messiah is looking dumber by the day.

John Kerry Thinks I Should Be VP!

Instead of doing nothing on Labor Day, I decided to surf around the web looking for stupidity. Of course, looking up John F-word Kerry will do one of two things: put you into a coma or induce laughter. Much to my surprise, today he did something completely different. He, using code of course, described me as the best choice for Vice President! Me! Wow!

(Let me digress for a moment. How do you lose a national election and then have the wherewithal to keep appearing in public. I mean, seriously, isn't "loser" the first thing that comes to mind when you see Kerry? My right hand instinctively makes an "L" and snaps to my forehead whenever I see him. It is hard to type this because I can't control it! I'm beginning to bruise.)

So, Mr. Kerry was denigrating the ever-so-wonderful Mrs. Palin on the tube yesterday morning. He's rambling on and on and on about her lack of experience. But a thought occurred to me as I forced my eyeballs open to watch the end of the interview. John F-word Kerry was winking at me and describing me as the perfect VP! Below I present the evidence.

The interview begins with the usual McCain bashing by the turd who voted for the war before he voted against it. The, the subject turned to Mrs. Palin and his eyes lit up like the chance to beat up on a girl was more than he could take. You just know he was flashing back to 'Nam where he raped and burned and pillaged and planted shrubbery.

The first requirement is apparently belief in man-made global warming. Well, fine. I don't believe it but he can't make it look too obvious that he likes me.

Second is foreign policy experience. Apparently the messiah took a trip abroad and that qualifies him. Good, I'm all over this. I've been to Canada, Mexico and Hawaii and most of the 57 states. And I traveled with a broad. Actually two broads. You show me a man that traveled to Hawaii with two broads, and came back unscathed, and I'll show you somebody ready to lead these united 57 states into the future.

Third, we have to ask Europe for help. No problem there. I know how to craft a snappy letter and even know how to get it translated into any language you want. Except liberal. I can be quite the suck-up if there is chocolate or a back-rub involved. I can even forge Kerry's signature, so he'll think he did it, he'll be happy and maybe won't go on TV so much. That way, everybody wins.

Fourth, America must be made safe. Again, I'm good here. In my lifetime, my home has never been broken into and I've never had a car stolen. In my lifetime, there has NEVER been a terrorist attack in the town where I lived. I stand by these moderately verifiable facts.

Fifth, women voters must be seduced. Well, um, okay. There's only two months until the election and I only have so much time. Ladies, form one line and take a number.

Sixth, a willingness to kick the living crap out of senators from Massachusetts that have the initials "JFK". We can argue about whether he really said this or not, but you have to look deep into his sleepy eyes. He was just begging for a beating and I'm more than willing to do it.

Someone call McCain and tell him I'm available if necessary.

Democrat Convention - Blech!

Ok, fine. The liberals are having their convention this week. Really, I don't care. After all has been said and done, the only interesting part of the last few months has been whether Hillary would actually do anything to justify her existence. It doesn't appear that she is going to do so, and is going to walk away without much of a fight.

I have a confession: I signed up at Hillary's web site in order to receive her emails. I was curious as to what mindset she would show her "supporters". Well, she never showed anything but surrender. Oh, and begging for cash to pay off her campaign debt. I mean, come on Hillary! Flip out! Do something! Please!

The messiah, who was supposed to deliver all us gun clingin' God lovers from the status quo, has picked a running mate who is as big a doofus as the messiah. If Biden doesn't scream status quo and total insider, then I don't know who does. Hope and change my butt. I will say this, though. The messiah has added "proven liar and plagiarizer" to the ticket. Well done. Don't you wonder if, during the vetting of Biden, the phrase "African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy" was ever uttered. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall.

My only wish is that Bill and Hillary get drunk and make a total scene. Fat chance, I'm sure.

BTW, I'm starting a rumor that the messiah will appear outside the Pepsi Center daily at 3:00pm for two exhibitions. First, he will walk across a tank of water. Second, he will then part the water in the tank, revealing the true shallowness of his campaign. Spread the word.

The True Edwards Interview

As you may know, unassailable John Edwards revealed the "shocking" truth he had an affair with that crazy Ms. Hunter, after lying about it for a couple years. What always interests me about these interviews is what questions should have been asked based on the answers. So, here is what I think the interview should have gone like. BTW, these are his actual answers (except the last one).

I Am The Hammer: I want to thank you for taking time to talk to us, sir. And I use "sir" very loosely.
JOHN EDWARDS: Sure, of course.

IATH: I’m going to skip the usual song and dance and just get started. Is your political career over?
JE: Oh yes, it's been over for a long time.

IATH: So would it be safe to say that your attempt to win the presidency has been nothing more than a vain attempt to stay in the spotlight?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: And to score more crazy blonde babes?
JE: I don't know.

IATH: Right. Have you informed your family that you are a complete and utter tool? And that you are, in fact, a trial lawyer and therefore, by definition, a liar?
JE: Well, here's the way I feel about this. I think that my family is entitled to every detail. They've been told every detail. Elizabeth knows absolutely everything. I think beyond the basics, the fact that I made this mistake and I'm responsible for it and no one else. I think that's where it stops in terms of the public because I think everything else is within my family and those privacy boundaries ought to be respected.

IATH: So it never crossed your mind that being a trial lawyer would be a problem?
JE: It was a huge judgment, mistake in judgment. But yeah, I didn't think anyone would ever know about it. I didn't. And the important thing is, how could I ever get to the place, to that place and allow myself to let that happen?

IATH: Is it true that you are deeply in love with your wife?
JE: Not true. Published in a supermarket tabloid. That is absolutely not true.

IATH: Do you know if it is fun to take a paternity test? Have you even taken one?
JE: I have not, I would welcome participating in a paternity test. Be happy to participate in one.

IATH: Really? So you think you would enjoy it?
JE: Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.

IATH: Have you heard that your wife said she is planning to have you castrated?
JE: I don't know what she has said.

IATH: Would it surprise you if she had said that?
JE: No.

IATH: Would it surprise you if Jesse Jackson offered to do it for your wife?
JE: No.

IATH: How much money have you paid to ensure yourself against castration?
JE: Uh, this is what I can tell you. I've never paid a dime of money to any of the people that are involved. I've never asked anybody to pay a dime of money, never been told that any money's been paid. Nothing has been done at my request. So if the allegation is that somehow I participated in the payment of money -- that is a lie. An absolute lie, which is typical of these types of publications.

IATH: So this canceled check that I have a copy of that is written from your personal bank account made out to “Protect My Goodies Insurance” is nothing?
JE: I don't know. I told you just a moment ago, I know absolutely nothing about this.

IATH: So you’ve never heard about any of this?
JE: I've heard about it from reporters like you just in the last few days. It's the first I heard anything about it.

IATH: Would castration help your marriage?
JE: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I think our marriage will not only survive but be strong.

IATH: Is it obvious to you that I, along with many Americans, think you are a complete idiot?
JE: I'm aware of that.

IATH: How does that make you feel?
JE: I don't know.

IATH: Is it possible for you to get any stupider?
JE: Yeah, of course I think it's possible.

IATH: Did the ever-so-crazy Ms. Hunter ever participate in these castration planning sessions?
JE: No. No. And again, I always said this to you, I don't think I'm going to go through the details of this, I already did it with Elizabeth-- uh, she was hired to come in and produce films and that's the reason she was hired.

IATH: So did you ask the crazy blonde babe about the castration rumors?
JE: Same answer. Same answer -- no I did not.

IATH: You are lying to me, right?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: Would you care if I slapped you right now?
JE: No.

IATH: How about if I hit you over the head with my chair? Would you mind?
JE: No.

IATH: Does your wife want to stay married to you?
JE: No, of course not.

IATH: Is she going to divorce you and take all you have?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: Is it possible that you have a serious case of Cranial-Rectal Inversion?
JE: Sure, of course.

IATH: Would a mirror help prove it?
JE: I'm not a scientist -- I don't know what the various methods of proving it are but that's certainly one way to prove it.

IATH: You do realize that there are photographs that show you have CRI?
JE: The picture in the tabloid. I have no idea what that picture is.

IATH: But you have seen the front-page picture, right?
JE: I did see it and I cannot make any sense out of that.

IATH: You can’t even recognize yourself in a picture?
JE: I don't know who that picture -- I don't know if that picture is me, it could well be, it looks like me.

IATH: Is it possible that you have your head so far up there that you don’t even know what day it is?
JE: Of course that's possible.

IATH: So it’s possible you really don’t know anything about anything, you cheated your way through law school, you made your fortune selling your soul to the devil and your hair is just a wig?
JE: I think all these things are possible.

IATH: You make me want to vomit. Please leave.
JE: Do you validate?

IATH: Somebody get my gun!

OMG Obama my BFF!

Not that I'm not all hip to the jive, but I just can't tell you how excited I am that I can get a text message when the messiah announces his pick for vice president! I mean, like, for sure! I'm so there! I'm ... I'm ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.