Fridays Are Funny

If you are not, or have never been, in the computer industry, this might not make too much sense. However, from 49 seconds on, it's something we all relate to! "I have people skills!"



Have an adequate weekend.

Armpit, CO

In my time, I've been to most of the 57 states (thanks to the messiah for adding the other 7). There are a lot of lovely areas of the country and even Canada can be beautiful. Just got back from a town in Southern Colorado. What an armpit of a town. It's in a great location, but the town looks like it's in the middle of a modern dust bowl. Everything is dusty and dirty. Anyway, just a little travel tip. Stay away. Go to Colorado Springs instead. Or the dentist.

The Wednesday "Who Knew"

Just putting some "deep knowledge" in your brain for a mid-week snack. So, we commence. Who knew...

• Janeane Garofalo was still alive?
• Hurricane Katrina and the Minneapolis bridge collapse were the fault of Ronald Reagan (seventh paragraph)
  
• Guys older than 12 would fight to get into the ladies room (story here)
• The moron media would keep race in the forefront of the presidential race (blog here)
• Matt Damon is scared of a woman
  

Send me your "Who Knew" ideas. I run short on ideas sometimes!

Did You Know Ladies Could Be Mean?

I have long contended that there is nothing nastier that a woman who is expressing hate towards another woman. While I don't always win the "discussion", I still think that I am right. Here is yet another exhibit in my case. Mary Mitchell writing in the Chicago Sun-Times and the first sentence alone should end the "discussion": "Sarah Palin makes me sick." Throw in three "hates", two "scares" and three more "sicks" and you have a wonderful example of someone losing their minds. Good stuff.

Biden - One Man Laugh Factory

I can't even describe how funny/idiotic Biden is. He's either too funny or just unbelievably stupid. I cannot fathom anybody being like this on purpose, but how knows. You be the judge. We have the following exhibits:

Asking a wheel-chair bound state senator to stand up:



Saying Hillary would have been a better choice as VP (maybe he's right, but isn't he dissing the judgment of the messiah):



Joking back in the debates (the one time he does the smart thing):



This is the only reason a messiah presidency would be worth it: having Biden bless us with his stupidity for four years.

The Wednesday "Who Knew"

Just putting some "deep knowledge" in your brain for a mid-week snack. So, let's get to it. Who knew...

• A major liberal media member would like Mrs. Palin (thanks Newsbusters)
• The world wants the messiah as our president (story here)
• I don't have family values because I am pro-life (dumb story here)
• MTV was still on the air
• The messiah is the second coming of Mary according to Jeremiah Wright (here)
• Bret Favre came out of retirement
  

Send me your "Who Knew" ideas. I run short on ideas sometimes!

Pole Dancers Are Hot

Alright, now that I have your attention, here's the scoop. As we all know, the Democrats love polls when the reveal what they want them to reveal. However, when the polls don't, they hate them. The messiah didn't even register a blip in his poll numbers after the convention (which says a lot), but McCain and Mrs. Palin received a hit of Biblical proportions. As reported in this USA Today story, here are the salient facts:

The Republican National Convention has given John McCain and his party a significant boost, a USA TODAY/Gallup Poll taken over the weekend shows, as running mate Sarah Palin helps close an "enthusiasm gap" that has dogged the GOP all year.

McCain leads Democrat Barack Obama by 50%-46% among registered voters, the Republican's biggest advantage since January and a turnaround from the USA TODAY poll taken just before the convention opened in St. Paul. Then, he lagged by 7 percentage points.

From down seven to up four!! An eleven point swing and I bet you have not heard much about it. Of course you have not heard about it. These poll dancers took a break from the reporting and are waiting until they like the polls. Whatever. Again, McCain looks brilliant for picking Mrs. Palin!!

Now I'm a Racist - Good to Know

Throughout the primary process, there have been undertones that not voting for the messiah means you are a racist. There has been the rare liberal brave enough to say it, and another one raises his ugly head. In an article from the SF Chronicle, there are a few"interesting" things said about those of us not bright enough to vote for the messiah.

The money quote is this:

"These are folks that may have a problem with Obama," said Gerald Austin, a Democratic strategist who worked for Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland. "They may say it's his experience, but we know it's because of his race."

Gerald, you have such an amazing grasp on reality. You are right. I'm not voting for your messiah because he's only half cracker. That's how shallow and stupid I am. It has nothing to do with these "facts": he's pro-abortion, he's all for raising taxes, he's against drilling now, he's for universal health care. No, I'm against him because of his race. Fine. Since I'm all clueless and vapid, I'm also against him because he's a whiner, he can't speak a complete sentence without pausing, he's in love with his voice, he doesn't have an original thought in his empty suit and he dances like an epileptic lemur.

Joe Biden - World Class Flip-Flopper

I have always found the presidential primary process fascinating for one reason: hypocrisy. You have a group of 8 - 10 people beating the crap out of each other and then the "winner", for some reason, picks one of the people that was just beating him up (and he was beating up) to be his VP. So, the messiah picked Biden. Interesting, because, in one of the early Democrat debates, Biden said that the job of president is not a place for on the job training. Sounds to me that Biden, not too long ago, felt that the messiah was not qualified. McCain had an ad made about this, which is cool.



Then, to make matters worse, here's what Biden had to say about Mrs. Palin a couple days ago: "Everything I know about her, there's no reason not to respect her and believe she's qualified to be the vice president." The messiah is looking dumber by the day.

The Wednesday "Who Knew"

Just putting some "deep knowledge" in your brain for a mid-week snack. So, we commence. Who knew...

• Woody Harrelson was still alive and considered a viable actor (I was at the video store and he was in three new releases)
  
• The moron media would hate on a woman because she was a Republican (duh)
  
• Hillary Clinton would actually quit without bloodshed (see last weeks DNC convention)
  
• Michael Moore knew about God (he said hurricane Gustav was proof there was a God in heaven)
  
• God has let Michael Moore live (a mystery)
  
• Chris Matthews was still in love with the messiah (duh)
  
• People would blame guns for a school shooting...again (read the comments here)

Send me your "Who Knew" ideas. I run short on ideas sometimes!

John Kerry Thinks I Should Be VP!

Instead of doing nothing on Labor Day, I decided to surf around the web looking for stupidity. Of course, looking up John F-word Kerry will do one of two things: put you into a coma or induce laughter. Much to my surprise, today he did something completely different. He, using code of course, described me as the best choice for Vice President! Me! Wow!

(Let me digress for a moment. How do you lose a national election and then have the wherewithal to keep appearing in public. I mean, seriously, isn't "loser" the first thing that comes to mind when you see Kerry? My right hand instinctively makes an "L" and snaps to my forehead whenever I see him. It is hard to type this because I can't control it! I'm beginning to bruise.)

So, Mr. Kerry was denigrating the ever-so-wonderful Mrs. Palin on the tube yesterday morning. He's rambling on and on and on about her lack of experience. But a thought occurred to me as I forced my eyeballs open to watch the end of the interview. John F-word Kerry was winking at me and describing me as the perfect VP! Below I present the evidence.

The interview begins with the usual McCain bashing by the turd who voted for the war before he voted against it. The, the subject turned to Mrs. Palin and his eyes lit up like the chance to beat up on a girl was more than he could take. You just know he was flashing back to 'Nam where he raped and burned and pillaged and planted shrubbery.

The first requirement is apparently belief in man-made global warming. Well, fine. I don't believe it but he can't make it look too obvious that he likes me.

Second is foreign policy experience. Apparently the messiah took a trip abroad and that qualifies him. Good, I'm all over this. I've been to Canada, Mexico and Hawaii and most of the 57 states. And I traveled with a broad. Actually two broads. You show me a man that traveled to Hawaii with two broads, and came back unscathed, and I'll show you somebody ready to lead these united 57 states into the future.

Third, we have to ask Europe for help. No problem there. I know how to craft a snappy letter and even know how to get it translated into any language you want. Except liberal. I can be quite the suck-up if there is chocolate or a back-rub involved. I can even forge Kerry's signature, so he'll think he did it, he'll be happy and maybe won't go on TV so much. That way, everybody wins.

Fourth, America must be made safe. Again, I'm good here. In my lifetime, my home has never been broken into and I've never had a car stolen. In my lifetime, there has NEVER been a terrorist attack in the town where I lived. I stand by these moderately verifiable facts.

Fifth, women voters must be seduced. Well, um, okay. There's only two months until the election and I only have so much time. Ladies, form one line and take a number.

Sixth, a willingness to kick the living crap out of senators from Massachusetts that have the initials "JFK". We can argue about whether he really said this or not, but you have to look deep into his sleepy eyes. He was just begging for a beating and I'm more than willing to do it.

Someone call McCain and tell him I'm available if necessary.