Republican Convention - Yawn.

While I am thrilled with the addition of Mrs. Palin to the ticket, I am not going to sit and watch all the speachifying and bloviating. It's all a bit anti-climactic and it's now just going to get interesting.

The only real mystery will be if W and Dick Cheney are going to redirect hurricane Gustav or eliminate it completely so as not to affect the convention. I'm sure those two are sitting somewhere maniacally laughing and saying "excellent" like Mr. Burns. Because, as we all remember, W and Cheney were the masterminds behind hurricane Katrina.

How Does CNN Stay In Business?

O brother. At lunch with the yard apes and this headline was on CNN: "Sign of tough times: Parking meters stolen". Riveting stuff, CNN. I guess we all should stop for a moment and pray to God for a return to the crime-free, halcyon days of Slick Willy. I'd write more, but there's an old lady walking by and I'm sure I can steal her purse. Curse you George W. Bush!

Babies, Guns, Jesus. Hot Damn!

By now you've heard about Sarah Palin. I, along with many of you, have felt like John McCain was going to be the lesser of two evils come November. But, there is a ray of hope! Enter Mrs. Palin! Maybe McCain has finally seen the light. In the last month, he's talking about drilling, continued to stay strong on pro-life and rejected the calls from the moron media to pick a liberal running mate.

So what does he do? Does what's good for his party! Wow, what a move. Mrs. Palin is pro-life (has 5 children, the youngest of which has Down's Syndrome), a hunter and doesn't take crap from anyone. Plus, she knows her sports! I can't wait to see her slap-down that blowhard Biden in the debates. Who cares about McCain vs. the messiah! Bring on Mrs. Palin, our next Vice President!!

The best part is the timing. Talking about stealing any "thunder" from the messiah! What a brilliant decision to do it Friday morning.

How can you not vote for a conservative woman who's nickname is Barracuda? At least she's not a lawyer! Or your ex-wife!

Disclaimer: I stole the title for this post from Rush!

Democrat Convention - Blech!

Ok, fine. The liberals are having their convention this week. Really, I don't care. After all has been said and done, the only interesting part of the last few months has been whether Hillary would actually do anything to justify her existence. It doesn't appear that she is going to do so, and is going to walk away without much of a fight.

I have a confession: I signed up at Hillary's web site in order to receive her emails. I was curious as to what mindset she would show her "supporters". Well, she never showed anything but surrender. Oh, and begging for cash to pay off her campaign debt. I mean, come on Hillary! Flip out! Do something! Please!

The messiah, who was supposed to deliver all us gun clingin' God lovers from the status quo, has picked a running mate who is as big a doofus as the messiah. If Biden doesn't scream status quo and total insider, then I don't know who does. Hope and change my butt. I will say this, though. The messiah has added "proven liar and plagiarizer" to the ticket. Well done. Don't you wonder if, during the vetting of Biden, the phrase "African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy" was ever uttered. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall.

My only wish is that Bill and Hillary get drunk and make a total scene. Fat chance, I'm sure.

BTW, I'm starting a rumor that the messiah will appear outside the Pepsi Center daily at 3:00pm for two exhibitions. First, he will walk across a tank of water. Second, he will then part the water in the tank, revealing the true shallowness of his campaign. Spread the word.

The True Edwards Interview

As you may know, unassailable John Edwards revealed the "shocking" truth he had an affair with that crazy Ms. Hunter, after lying about it for a couple years. What always interests me about these interviews is what questions should have been asked based on the answers. So, here is what I think the interview should have gone like. BTW, these are his actual answers (except the last one).

I Am The Hammer: I want to thank you for taking time to talk to us, sir. And I use "sir" very loosely.
JOHN EDWARDS: Sure, of course.

IATH: I’m going to skip the usual song and dance and just get started. Is your political career over?
JE: Oh yes, it's been over for a long time.

IATH: So would it be safe to say that your attempt to win the presidency has been nothing more than a vain attempt to stay in the spotlight?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: And to score more crazy blonde babes?
JE: I don't know.

IATH: Right. Have you informed your family that you are a complete and utter tool? And that you are, in fact, a trial lawyer and therefore, by definition, a liar?
JE: Well, here's the way I feel about this. I think that my family is entitled to every detail. They've been told every detail. Elizabeth knows absolutely everything. I think beyond the basics, the fact that I made this mistake and I'm responsible for it and no one else. I think that's where it stops in terms of the public because I think everything else is within my family and those privacy boundaries ought to be respected.

IATH: So it never crossed your mind that being a trial lawyer would be a problem?
JE: It was a huge judgment, mistake in judgment. But yeah, I didn't think anyone would ever know about it. I didn't. And the important thing is, how could I ever get to the place, to that place and allow myself to let that happen?

IATH: Is it true that you are deeply in love with your wife?
JE: Not true. Published in a supermarket tabloid. That is absolutely not true.

IATH: Do you know if it is fun to take a paternity test? Have you even taken one?
JE: I have not, I would welcome participating in a paternity test. Be happy to participate in one.

IATH: Really? So you think you would enjoy it?
JE: Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.

IATH: Have you heard that your wife said she is planning to have you castrated?
JE: I don't know what she has said.

IATH: Would it surprise you if she had said that?
JE: No.

IATH: Would it surprise you if Jesse Jackson offered to do it for your wife?
JE: No.

IATH: How much money have you paid to ensure yourself against castration?
JE: Uh, this is what I can tell you. I've never paid a dime of money to any of the people that are involved. I've never asked anybody to pay a dime of money, never been told that any money's been paid. Nothing has been done at my request. So if the allegation is that somehow I participated in the payment of money -- that is a lie. An absolute lie, which is typical of these types of publications.

IATH: So this canceled check that I have a copy of that is written from your personal bank account made out to “Protect My Goodies Insurance” is nothing?
JE: I don't know. I told you just a moment ago, I know absolutely nothing about this.

IATH: So you’ve never heard about any of this?
JE: I've heard about it from reporters like you just in the last few days. It's the first I heard anything about it.

IATH: Would castration help your marriage?
JE: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I think our marriage will not only survive but be strong.

IATH: Is it obvious to you that I, along with many Americans, think you are a complete idiot?
JE: I'm aware of that.

IATH: How does that make you feel?
JE: I don't know.

IATH: Is it possible for you to get any stupider?
JE: Yeah, of course I think it's possible.

IATH: Did the ever-so-crazy Ms. Hunter ever participate in these castration planning sessions?
JE: No. No. And again, I always said this to you, I don't think I'm going to go through the details of this, I already did it with Elizabeth-- uh, she was hired to come in and produce films and that's the reason she was hired.

IATH: So did you ask the crazy blonde babe about the castration rumors?
JE: Same answer. Same answer -- no I did not.

IATH: You are lying to me, right?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: Would you care if I slapped you right now?
JE: No.

IATH: How about if I hit you over the head with my chair? Would you mind?
JE: No.

IATH: Does your wife want to stay married to you?
JE: No, of course not.

IATH: Is she going to divorce you and take all you have?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: Is it possible that you have a serious case of Cranial-Rectal Inversion?
JE: Sure, of course.

IATH: Would a mirror help prove it?
JE: I'm not a scientist -- I don't know what the various methods of proving it are but that's certainly one way to prove it.

IATH: You do realize that there are photographs that show you have CRI?
JE: The picture in the tabloid. I have no idea what that picture is.

IATH: But you have seen the front-page picture, right?
JE: I did see it and I cannot make any sense out of that.

IATH: You can’t even recognize yourself in a picture?
JE: I don't know who that picture -- I don't know if that picture is me, it could well be, it looks like me.

IATH: Is it possible that you have your head so far up there that you don’t even know what day it is?
JE: Of course that's possible.

IATH: So it’s possible you really don’t know anything about anything, you cheated your way through law school, you made your fortune selling your soul to the devil and your hair is just a wig?
JE: I think all these things are possible.

IATH: You make me want to vomit. Please leave.
JE: Do you validate?

IATH: Somebody get my gun!

OMG Obama my BFF!

Not that I'm not all hip to the jive, but I just can't tell you how excited I am that I can get a text message when the messiah announces his pick for vice president! I mean, like, for sure! I'm so there! I'm ... I'm ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I Love Irony!

Right up front, I think man-made global warming is a myth. However, I do think that there are cyclical changes that cause heating and cooling. Anyway, enough seriousness.

Some earth-loving geniuses down under decided to have a "Climate Torch Relay" in order to "focus even more attention on the impact and urgency of global warming". I'm sorry, but that just has fun written all over it. But, it gets so much better.

Here is the absolutely priceless event summary headline from the Aussie paper, Lithgow Mercury: "Too cold for global warming relay." Beautiful! Read the whole article here. I just love when this happens. Of course, not enough sense amongst all these people to either check the weather forecast or move it to a desert where there is at least a semblance of warmth? Either that or man up and absorb a little frostbite to prove your loyalty to your cause.

Bigfoot Is Still Fake

Much to my surprise and I'm sure yours too, the jokers that claimed that they had found Bigfoot were full of fur. While it am not surprised that there are still people out there that will try to do anything they can for publicity (see: Madonna, Al Franken, ESPN, all child celebrities that can't deal with reality), it fascinates me that there are enough people gullible enough to believe it.

Here's the quote that I loved the best: "The so-called corpse was found to be an Internet-purchased Sasquatch costume stuffed with possum roadkill and slaughterhouse leftovers." How many things are wrong with that? "Possum roadkill"? "Slaughterhouse leftovers"? Is it just me, or does that just scream drunk-uneducated-backwoods-bucktooth-hillbilly-moonshine-party? Forgive me for the redundancy.

Here I Am

Well, for whatever reason, I'm blogging now. I guess it seems like all the "cool kids" are doing it, and I just want to be cool! I had set up a blog on another site which shall remain nameless, so I'm trying it here now.