Mrs. Palin Continues to Rock

No matter how much the moron media and the left (and some in her own party) try to keep her down, Mrs. Palin just keeps on keeping on. The number one selling office product on Amazon.com is the 2009 Sarah Palin calendar (thanks to Newsbusters.org for the tip). I just love it! Hear that, messiah? To quote Smith from the Matrix movies, "That's the sound of inevitability." Palin 2012!!

Fridays Are Funny

Cats are funny and these cats are great. Yes, I know that it's cut together, repeated and whatnot. Still, it's great! Thanks to Breda for this video.



Have an adequate weekend.

Fridays Are Funny

No introduction needed.



Have an adequate weekend.

Where Was James Bond?

I'm sure you've all seen or heard about the "brave" shoe thrower. Well, as I watched the video, I was hoping the W would reenact the scene from Casino Royale where the mad bomber throws his gun at James Bond, Bond grabs it and throws it back at the bomber, clocking him square in the mug. But, no such luck. W is too cool for that, I guess.

But, on the plus side, the left has themselves another hero. No surprise that they love someone who throws like that kid in third grade that never got picked for sports. O, wait. Maybe that's where liberals are spawned. They couldn't make it with all us cool kids, so now they are taking it out on us now. If that's the case, I'm personally responsible for about 67 liberals. Sorry.

16 Below

That's right, the low was -16 this morning. Thank the Lord, and Algore, for global warming. By the way, Al, when are you coming by to unthaw my frozen pipes? Al? Al? Are you there? Jerk!

Fridays Are Funny

Here's an old article that I found. Title: "Charge dropped against man accused of passing gas". Here are the details:

A West Virginia man accused of passing gas and fanning it toward a police officer no longer faces a battery charge.

According to a criminal complaint, Cruz passed gas and made a fanning motion toward patrolman T.E. Parsons after being taken to the police station for a breathalyzer test. Cruz denies fanning the gas and says his request to use a restroom when first arriving at the station was denied.

Have an adequate weekend.

Keeping it Classy with Harry Reid

I happily introduce the first ever Keeping it Classy award. Just one quote from this story is all that is needed:

"In the summer because of the heat and high humidity, you could literally smell the tourists coming into the Capitol. It may be descriptive but it's true."

Ladies and gentlemen, the Keeping it Classy award easily goes to Harry Reid. He just oozes class and always has. Funny, but that ooze doesn't smell like class. Congratulations, Harry, and enjoy the honor!

Now Toy Companies are Evil

Move over big oil, big toy is next on the hated list. An AP story from the weekend says parents are actually writing letters to toy companies asking them to stop advertising directly to their kids. Unreal. Here's the nut quote:

The message: Please, in these days of economic angst, cut back on marketing your products directly to our children.

Isn't that one of the things kids look forward to every year? Getting to see what is new and cool? Was I the only kid who went through the toy catalogs (about 100 times) and circled every other item? Some more brilliance:

The letter-writing initiative was launched by the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, which says roughly 1,400 of its members and supporters have contacted 24 leading toy companies and retailers to express concern about ads aimed at kids.

"Unfortunately, I will not be able to purchase many of the toys that my sons have asked for; we simply don't have the money," wrote Todd Helmkamp of Hudson, Ind. "By bombarding them with advertisements ... you are placing parents like me in the unenviable position of having to tell our children that we can't afford the toys you promote."

Well, Todd, either get a second or third job or tell you sons "NO". Ever heard of taking control yourself? I'll wager anything Todd voted for the messiah. Who would have thought that big evil corporations are leading to better parenting. Fantastic! Stop spoiling your future liberal, Todd.

"If children are not aware of what is new and available, how will they be able to tell their families what their preferences are?" an industry statement said. "While there is certainly greater economic disturbance going on now, families have always faced different levels of economic well-being and have managed to tailor their spending to their means."

I like this response from the industry, but the first sentence is kinda dumb. That said, the statement should have ended with, "Stick that in your stocking, Todd."

"Parents have trouble saying no," said Allison Pugh, a University of Virginia sociology professor. She says parents often buy toys to avoid guilt and ensure their children feel in sync with school classmates.

Amanda Almodovar says she encounters such families in her work as an elementary school social worker in Alamance County, N.C., where homelessness and unemployment are rising. "I had one parent who said she'd prostitute herself to get what her child wants," Almodovar said.

Right on, Allison. Amanda, look at it this way. That "parent" was probably attracted to you and didn't have the courage to ask you out for a date. They were just judging your response. If you had responded, "Let me know when you do", then they would have known you were interested. Read between the lines, Amanda.

I do have the ultimate solution to this. Be an actual parent. Spend time with your kids. And TURN OFF THE DAMN TV.

Fridays Are Funny

Not sure if you like The Onion or not, but this is hilarious. Language warning, occurs just after the 3:00 mark.


Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

Have an adequate weekend.

Happy Thanksgiving!

While I know that Thanksgiving means different things to each of us, there is actually a reason why Thanksgiving occurs. Nobody explains it better than Rush, so I've stolen his explanation. Have a great day.

On August 1, 1620, the Mayflower set sail. It carried a total of 102 passengers, including forty Pilgrims led by William Bradford. On the journey, Bradford set up an agreement, a contract, that established just and equal laws for all members of the new community, irrespective of their religious beliefs. Where did the revolutionary ideas expressed in the Mayflower Compact come from? From the Bible. The Pilgrims were a people completely steeped in the lessons of the Old and New Testaments. They looked to the ancient Israelites for their example. And, because of the biblical precedents set forth in Scripture, they never doubted that their experiment would work.

Now, you know the usual story of Thanksgiving: They landed. They had no clue where they were, no idea how to feed themselves. The Indians came out, showed 'em how to pop popcorn, fed 'em turkey, saved 'em basically – and then white European settlers after that basically wiped out the Indian population. It's a horrible example. Not only is that not true, here is the part that's been omitted from what is still today taught as the traditional Thanksgiving story in many schools. The original contract the Pilgrims had entered into with their merchant-sponsors in London called for everything they produced to go into a common store, and each member of the community was entitled to one common share. All of the land they cleared and the houses they built belong to the community as well.

They were going to distribute it equally. All of the land they cleared and the houses they built belonged to the community as well. ... [William] Bradford, who had become the new governor of the colony, recognized that this form of collectivism was as costly and destructive to the Pilgrims as that first harsh winter, which had taken so many lives. He decided to take bold action. Bradford assigned a plot of land to each family to work and manage, thus turning loose the power of the marketplace. ... Long before Karl Marx was even born, the Pilgrims had discovered and experimented with what could only be described as socialism, and it had failed miserably because when everyone put things in the common store, some people didn't have to put things in for there to be enough, and people that didn't produce anything were taking things out, and it caused resentment just as it does today. So Bradford had to change it.

What Bradford and his community found was that the most creative and industrious people had no incentive to work any harder than anyone else, unless they could utilize the power of personal motivation! But while most of the rest of the world has been experimenting with socialism for well over a hundred years – trying to refine it, perfect it, and re-invent it – the Pilgrims decided early on to scrap it permanently. What Bradford wrote about this social experiment should be in every schoolchild's history lesson. If it were, we might prevent much needless suffering that happens today and will happen in the future. "The experience that we had in this common course and condition, tried sundry years...that by taking away property, and bringing community into a common wealth, would make them happy and flourishing – as if they were wiser than God," Bradford wrote.

"'For this community (so far as it was) was found to breed much confusion and discontent, and retard much employment that would have been to their benefit and comfort. For young men that were most able and fit for labor and service did repine that they should spend their time and strength to work for other men's wives and children without [being paid] that was thought injustice." The Pilgrims found that people could not be expected to do their best work without incentive. So what did Bradford's community try next? They unharnessed the power of good old free enterprise by invoking the under girding capitalistic principle of private property. Every family was assigned its own plot of land to work and permitted to market its own crops and products. And what was the result?

Here's what Bradford wrote, the governor of the Massachusetts colony. "This had very good success, for it made all hands industrious, so as much more corn was planted than otherwise would have been." Bradford doesn't sound like much of a Obamaite, does he? Is it possible that supply-side economics could have existed before the 1980s? Anyway, in no time, the Pilgrims found they had more food than they could eat themselves. So they set up trading posts and exchanged goods with the Indians. The profits allowed them to pay off their debts to the merchants in London. And the success and prosperity of the Plymouth settlement attracted more Europeans and began what came to be known as the 'Great Puritan Migration.'

We can only hope that the messiah is as smart as Mr. Bradford. Hope! Yes we can!

Obama's Victory Spurs Gun Sales

That is the actual, priceless, front page headline in my local birdcage liner. This is too much for many reasons, as I'm sure that you can guess.

Those of us intelligent enough to read between the lines, know the true meaning of the headline. The messiah will try to take our guns away. Let's review his words from the campaign.

"If you’ve got a gun in your house, I’m not taking it,’’ Obama said. But the Illinois senator could still see skeptics in the crowd, particularly on the faces of several men at the back of the room.
So he tried again. “Even if I want to take them away, I don’t have the votes in Congress,’’ he said.

I'm sorry, but the last sentence is the key. Sounds to me like he's tipping his hand there. He's already figured out that he doesn't have the votes. If you love your guns, but still voted for "hope and change", you deserve to lose your guns.

The next way to take the headline, there are those of us worried about the messiah's plan to "spread the wealth" that Joke Biden laid out so well. Come on, Biden. I dare you to man up and come to my house and take my wealth. Do it!!

The last way, which may land me in jail for even mentioning, I won't mention. Except to say there is one big hunting trip planned by people who shouldn't be hunting.

Fridays Are Funny

Ladies, if you don't find this funny, lighten up.



"Herbal tea and Pamprin." Classic! Have an adequate weekend.

Fridays Are Funny

Not sure if you are a fan of Bean or not, but this is a riot.



Have an adequate weekend.

The Truth? A Little Late!

Well, it's socialism full steam ahead!! Yes he can! Anyway, suddenly there are stories galore about how the press was in the tank for the messiah. And how "maybe" McCain didn't get a fair shake. Right. This bunch of geniuses just figured it out? Perhaps their stories were eaten by their dogs.

Also, is there a good reason Mrs. Palin continues to be raked over the coals? My best guess is that the moron media is deathly afraid of someone who actually promotes conservative ideas and she's the current leader of that movement.

Finally, what will McCain the maverick do now? Will he lead the fight against the messiah? Or, will we find him in bed with the messiah the first time the chips are down? You tell me.

Fridays Are Funny

If this doesn't make sense, sorry. My crumb crunchers get it!



Have an adequate weekend.

Election Day

Go vote!!! Don't care if you want to waste your vote, just go vote. I'm tired of ignorant people who don't vote, yet feel the need to bitch and moan about the state of the country as if they had a clue. If you know more about that waste of space Ms. Spears than you do about simple economics, I hope that you will do us all a favor and stay in your home. Forever. Hundreds of thousands of men a women gave their lives for this right. Use it.

Stephanopoulos is a Shill? No Way!

How can any news organization hire someone like Stephanopoulos and even try to pass themselves off as neutral? This is a former Clinton insider and defender. Not surprisingly, he scored every debate for the messiah and even had the gall to consider Biden the winner of Mrs. Palin. Then, this morning on GMA, he has the gall to state that Mrs. Palin is a drag on the McCain campaign, but Biden has been great. When is the last time anyone heard from Biden? Is he still around? Anyone? Mrs. Palin a drag on the campaign. Tell us what you really think, Steffy.

$150,000 Wardrobe? At Least They Paid

O, good. Another "controversy". All I have to say is this: Mrs. Palin looks fantastic all the time, and that's fine by me. At least the RNC is paying for the clothes as opposed to having them all illegally donated like some other party with the initials D-N-C. Hillary pantsuits anyone? When is the last time she paid for one of those sweet things? Her Bee Movie suit should be in a hall of fame somewhere.

Fridays Are Funny

If you've never felt like doing this at work, then you are lucky. Mild profanity warning.



Have an adequate weekend.

Fridays Are Funny

I'll have the spam, egg, sausage and spam, please.



Have an adequate weekend.

Fridays Are Funny

If you are not, or have never been, in the computer industry, this might not make too much sense. However, from 49 seconds on, it's something we all relate to! "I have people skills!"



Have an adequate weekend.

Armpit, CO

In my time, I've been to most of the 57 states (thanks to the messiah for adding the other 7). There are a lot of lovely areas of the country and even Canada can be beautiful. Just got back from a town in Southern Colorado. What an armpit of a town. It's in a great location, but the town looks like it's in the middle of a modern dust bowl. Everything is dusty and dirty. Anyway, just a little travel tip. Stay away. Go to Colorado Springs instead. Or the dentist.

The Wednesday "Who Knew"

Just putting some "deep knowledge" in your brain for a mid-week snack. So, we commence. Who knew...

• Janeane Garofalo was still alive?
• Hurricane Katrina and the Minneapolis bridge collapse were the fault of Ronald Reagan (seventh paragraph)
  
• Guys older than 12 would fight to get into the ladies room (story here)
• The moron media would keep race in the forefront of the presidential race (blog here)
• Matt Damon is scared of a woman
  

Send me your "Who Knew" ideas. I run short on ideas sometimes!

Did You Know Ladies Could Be Mean?

I have long contended that there is nothing nastier that a woman who is expressing hate towards another woman. While I don't always win the "discussion", I still think that I am right. Here is yet another exhibit in my case. Mary Mitchell writing in the Chicago Sun-Times and the first sentence alone should end the "discussion": "Sarah Palin makes me sick." Throw in three "hates", two "scares" and three more "sicks" and you have a wonderful example of someone losing their minds. Good stuff.

Biden - One Man Laugh Factory

I can't even describe how funny/idiotic Biden is. He's either too funny or just unbelievably stupid. I cannot fathom anybody being like this on purpose, but how knows. You be the judge. We have the following exhibits:

Asking a wheel-chair bound state senator to stand up:



Saying Hillary would have been a better choice as VP (maybe he's right, but isn't he dissing the judgment of the messiah):



Joking back in the debates (the one time he does the smart thing):



This is the only reason a messiah presidency would be worth it: having Biden bless us with his stupidity for four years.

The Wednesday "Who Knew"

Just putting some "deep knowledge" in your brain for a mid-week snack. So, let's get to it. Who knew...

• A major liberal media member would like Mrs. Palin (thanks Newsbusters)
• The world wants the messiah as our president (story here)
• I don't have family values because I am pro-life (dumb story here)
• MTV was still on the air
• The messiah is the second coming of Mary according to Jeremiah Wright (here)
• Bret Favre came out of retirement
  

Send me your "Who Knew" ideas. I run short on ideas sometimes!

Pole Dancers Are Hot

Alright, now that I have your attention, here's the scoop. As we all know, the Democrats love polls when the reveal what they want them to reveal. However, when the polls don't, they hate them. The messiah didn't even register a blip in his poll numbers after the convention (which says a lot), but McCain and Mrs. Palin received a hit of Biblical proportions. As reported in this USA Today story, here are the salient facts:

The Republican National Convention has given John McCain and his party a significant boost, a USA TODAY/Gallup Poll taken over the weekend shows, as running mate Sarah Palin helps close an "enthusiasm gap" that has dogged the GOP all year.

McCain leads Democrat Barack Obama by 50%-46% among registered voters, the Republican's biggest advantage since January and a turnaround from the USA TODAY poll taken just before the convention opened in St. Paul. Then, he lagged by 7 percentage points.

From down seven to up four!! An eleven point swing and I bet you have not heard much about it. Of course you have not heard about it. These poll dancers took a break from the reporting and are waiting until they like the polls. Whatever. Again, McCain looks brilliant for picking Mrs. Palin!!

Now I'm a Racist - Good to Know

Throughout the primary process, there have been undertones that not voting for the messiah means you are a racist. There has been the rare liberal brave enough to say it, and another one raises his ugly head. In an article from the SF Chronicle, there are a few"interesting" things said about those of us not bright enough to vote for the messiah.

The money quote is this:

"These are folks that may have a problem with Obama," said Gerald Austin, a Democratic strategist who worked for Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland. "They may say it's his experience, but we know it's because of his race."

Gerald, you have such an amazing grasp on reality. You are right. I'm not voting for your messiah because he's only half cracker. That's how shallow and stupid I am. It has nothing to do with these "facts": he's pro-abortion, he's all for raising taxes, he's against drilling now, he's for universal health care. No, I'm against him because of his race. Fine. Since I'm all clueless and vapid, I'm also against him because he's a whiner, he can't speak a complete sentence without pausing, he's in love with his voice, he doesn't have an original thought in his empty suit and he dances like an epileptic lemur.

Joe Biden - World Class Flip-Flopper

I have always found the presidential primary process fascinating for one reason: hypocrisy. You have a group of 8 - 10 people beating the crap out of each other and then the "winner", for some reason, picks one of the people that was just beating him up (and he was beating up) to be his VP. So, the messiah picked Biden. Interesting, because, in one of the early Democrat debates, Biden said that the job of president is not a place for on the job training. Sounds to me that Biden, not too long ago, felt that the messiah was not qualified. McCain had an ad made about this, which is cool.



Then, to make matters worse, here's what Biden had to say about Mrs. Palin a couple days ago: "Everything I know about her, there's no reason not to respect her and believe she's qualified to be the vice president." The messiah is looking dumber by the day.

The Wednesday "Who Knew"

Just putting some "deep knowledge" in your brain for a mid-week snack. So, we commence. Who knew...

• Woody Harrelson was still alive and considered a viable actor (I was at the video store and he was in three new releases)
  
• The moron media would hate on a woman because she was a Republican (duh)
  
• Hillary Clinton would actually quit without bloodshed (see last weeks DNC convention)
  
• Michael Moore knew about God (he said hurricane Gustav was proof there was a God in heaven)
  
• God has let Michael Moore live (a mystery)
  
• Chris Matthews was still in love with the messiah (duh)
  
• People would blame guns for a school shooting...again (read the comments here)

Send me your "Who Knew" ideas. I run short on ideas sometimes!

John Kerry Thinks I Should Be VP!

Instead of doing nothing on Labor Day, I decided to surf around the web looking for stupidity. Of course, looking up John F-word Kerry will do one of two things: put you into a coma or induce laughter. Much to my surprise, today he did something completely different. He, using code of course, described me as the best choice for Vice President! Me! Wow!

(Let me digress for a moment. How do you lose a national election and then have the wherewithal to keep appearing in public. I mean, seriously, isn't "loser" the first thing that comes to mind when you see Kerry? My right hand instinctively makes an "L" and snaps to my forehead whenever I see him. It is hard to type this because I can't control it! I'm beginning to bruise.)

So, Mr. Kerry was denigrating the ever-so-wonderful Mrs. Palin on the tube yesterday morning. He's rambling on and on and on about her lack of experience. But a thought occurred to me as I forced my eyeballs open to watch the end of the interview. John F-word Kerry was winking at me and describing me as the perfect VP! Below I present the evidence.

The interview begins with the usual McCain bashing by the turd who voted for the war before he voted against it. The, the subject turned to Mrs. Palin and his eyes lit up like the chance to beat up on a girl was more than he could take. You just know he was flashing back to 'Nam where he raped and burned and pillaged and planted shrubbery.

The first requirement is apparently belief in man-made global warming. Well, fine. I don't believe it but he can't make it look too obvious that he likes me.

Second is foreign policy experience. Apparently the messiah took a trip abroad and that qualifies him. Good, I'm all over this. I've been to Canada, Mexico and Hawaii and most of the 57 states. And I traveled with a broad. Actually two broads. You show me a man that traveled to Hawaii with two broads, and came back unscathed, and I'll show you somebody ready to lead these united 57 states into the future.

Third, we have to ask Europe for help. No problem there. I know how to craft a snappy letter and even know how to get it translated into any language you want. Except liberal. I can be quite the suck-up if there is chocolate or a back-rub involved. I can even forge Kerry's signature, so he'll think he did it, he'll be happy and maybe won't go on TV so much. That way, everybody wins.

Fourth, America must be made safe. Again, I'm good here. In my lifetime, my home has never been broken into and I've never had a car stolen. In my lifetime, there has NEVER been a terrorist attack in the town where I lived. I stand by these moderately verifiable facts.

Fifth, women voters must be seduced. Well, um, okay. There's only two months until the election and I only have so much time. Ladies, form one line and take a number.

Sixth, a willingness to kick the living crap out of senators from Massachusetts that have the initials "JFK". We can argue about whether he really said this or not, but you have to look deep into his sleepy eyes. He was just begging for a beating and I'm more than willing to do it.

Someone call McCain and tell him I'm available if necessary.

Republican Convention - Yawn.

While I am thrilled with the addition of Mrs. Palin to the ticket, I am not going to sit and watch all the speachifying and bloviating. It's all a bit anti-climactic and it's now just going to get interesting.

The only real mystery will be if W and Dick Cheney are going to redirect hurricane Gustav or eliminate it completely so as not to affect the convention. I'm sure those two are sitting somewhere maniacally laughing and saying "excellent" like Mr. Burns. Because, as we all remember, W and Cheney were the masterminds behind hurricane Katrina.

How Does CNN Stay In Business?

O brother. At lunch with the yard apes and this headline was on CNN: "Sign of tough times: Parking meters stolen". Riveting stuff, CNN. I guess we all should stop for a moment and pray to God for a return to the crime-free, halcyon days of Slick Willy. I'd write more, but there's an old lady walking by and I'm sure I can steal her purse. Curse you George W. Bush!

Babies, Guns, Jesus. Hot Damn!

By now you've heard about Sarah Palin. I, along with many of you, have felt like John McCain was going to be the lesser of two evils come November. But, there is a ray of hope! Enter Mrs. Palin! Maybe McCain has finally seen the light. In the last month, he's talking about drilling, continued to stay strong on pro-life and rejected the calls from the moron media to pick a liberal running mate.

So what does he do? Does what's good for his party! Wow, what a move. Mrs. Palin is pro-life (has 5 children, the youngest of which has Down's Syndrome), a hunter and doesn't take crap from anyone. Plus, she knows her sports! I can't wait to see her slap-down that blowhard Biden in the debates. Who cares about McCain vs. the messiah! Bring on Mrs. Palin, our next Vice President!!

The best part is the timing. Talking about stealing any "thunder" from the messiah! What a brilliant decision to do it Friday morning.

How can you not vote for a conservative woman who's nickname is Barracuda? At least she's not a lawyer! Or your ex-wife!

Disclaimer: I stole the title for this post from Rush!

Democrat Convention - Blech!

Ok, fine. The liberals are having their convention this week. Really, I don't care. After all has been said and done, the only interesting part of the last few months has been whether Hillary would actually do anything to justify her existence. It doesn't appear that she is going to do so, and is going to walk away without much of a fight.

I have a confession: I signed up at Hillary's web site in order to receive her emails. I was curious as to what mindset she would show her "supporters". Well, she never showed anything but surrender. Oh, and begging for cash to pay off her campaign debt. I mean, come on Hillary! Flip out! Do something! Please!

The messiah, who was supposed to deliver all us gun clingin' God lovers from the status quo, has picked a running mate who is as big a doofus as the messiah. If Biden doesn't scream status quo and total insider, then I don't know who does. Hope and change my butt. I will say this, though. The messiah has added "proven liar and plagiarizer" to the ticket. Well done. Don't you wonder if, during the vetting of Biden, the phrase "African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy" was ever uttered. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall.

My only wish is that Bill and Hillary get drunk and make a total scene. Fat chance, I'm sure.

BTW, I'm starting a rumor that the messiah will appear outside the Pepsi Center daily at 3:00pm for two exhibitions. First, he will walk across a tank of water. Second, he will then part the water in the tank, revealing the true shallowness of his campaign. Spread the word.

The True Edwards Interview

As you may know, unassailable John Edwards revealed the "shocking" truth he had an affair with that crazy Ms. Hunter, after lying about it for a couple years. What always interests me about these interviews is what questions should have been asked based on the answers. So, here is what I think the interview should have gone like. BTW, these are his actual answers (except the last one).

I Am The Hammer: I want to thank you for taking time to talk to us, sir. And I use "sir" very loosely.
JOHN EDWARDS: Sure, of course.

IATH: I’m going to skip the usual song and dance and just get started. Is your political career over?
JE: Oh yes, it's been over for a long time.

IATH: So would it be safe to say that your attempt to win the presidency has been nothing more than a vain attempt to stay in the spotlight?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: And to score more crazy blonde babes?
JE: I don't know.

IATH: Right. Have you informed your family that you are a complete and utter tool? And that you are, in fact, a trial lawyer and therefore, by definition, a liar?
JE: Well, here's the way I feel about this. I think that my family is entitled to every detail. They've been told every detail. Elizabeth knows absolutely everything. I think beyond the basics, the fact that I made this mistake and I'm responsible for it and no one else. I think that's where it stops in terms of the public because I think everything else is within my family and those privacy boundaries ought to be respected.

IATH: So it never crossed your mind that being a trial lawyer would be a problem?
JE: It was a huge judgment, mistake in judgment. But yeah, I didn't think anyone would ever know about it. I didn't. And the important thing is, how could I ever get to the place, to that place and allow myself to let that happen?

IATH: Is it true that you are deeply in love with your wife?
JE: Not true. Published in a supermarket tabloid. That is absolutely not true.

IATH: Do you know if it is fun to take a paternity test? Have you even taken one?
JE: I have not, I would welcome participating in a paternity test. Be happy to participate in one.

IATH: Really? So you think you would enjoy it?
JE: Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.

IATH: Have you heard that your wife said she is planning to have you castrated?
JE: I don't know what she has said.

IATH: Would it surprise you if she had said that?
JE: No.

IATH: Would it surprise you if Jesse Jackson offered to do it for your wife?
JE: No.

IATH: How much money have you paid to ensure yourself against castration?
JE: Uh, this is what I can tell you. I've never paid a dime of money to any of the people that are involved. I've never asked anybody to pay a dime of money, never been told that any money's been paid. Nothing has been done at my request. So if the allegation is that somehow I participated in the payment of money -- that is a lie. An absolute lie, which is typical of these types of publications.

IATH: So this canceled check that I have a copy of that is written from your personal bank account made out to “Protect My Goodies Insurance” is nothing?
JE: I don't know. I told you just a moment ago, I know absolutely nothing about this.

IATH: So you’ve never heard about any of this?
JE: I've heard about it from reporters like you just in the last few days. It's the first I heard anything about it.

IATH: Would castration help your marriage?
JE: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I think our marriage will not only survive but be strong.

IATH: Is it obvious to you that I, along with many Americans, think you are a complete idiot?
JE: I'm aware of that.

IATH: How does that make you feel?
JE: I don't know.

IATH: Is it possible for you to get any stupider?
JE: Yeah, of course I think it's possible.

IATH: Did the ever-so-crazy Ms. Hunter ever participate in these castration planning sessions?
JE: No. No. And again, I always said this to you, I don't think I'm going to go through the details of this, I already did it with Elizabeth-- uh, she was hired to come in and produce films and that's the reason she was hired.

IATH: So did you ask the crazy blonde babe about the castration rumors?
JE: Same answer. Same answer -- no I did not.

IATH: You are lying to me, right?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: Would you care if I slapped you right now?
JE: No.

IATH: How about if I hit you over the head with my chair? Would you mind?
JE: No.

IATH: Does your wife want to stay married to you?
JE: No, of course not.

IATH: Is she going to divorce you and take all you have?
JE: That is correct.

IATH: Is it possible that you have a serious case of Cranial-Rectal Inversion?
JE: Sure, of course.

IATH: Would a mirror help prove it?
JE: I'm not a scientist -- I don't know what the various methods of proving it are but that's certainly one way to prove it.

IATH: You do realize that there are photographs that show you have CRI?
JE: The picture in the tabloid. I have no idea what that picture is.

IATH: But you have seen the front-page picture, right?
JE: I did see it and I cannot make any sense out of that.

IATH: You can’t even recognize yourself in a picture?
JE: I don't know who that picture -- I don't know if that picture is me, it could well be, it looks like me.

IATH: Is it possible that you have your head so far up there that you don’t even know what day it is?
JE: Of course that's possible.

IATH: So it’s possible you really don’t know anything about anything, you cheated your way through law school, you made your fortune selling your soul to the devil and your hair is just a wig?
JE: I think all these things are possible.

IATH: You make me want to vomit. Please leave.
JE: Do you validate?

IATH: Somebody get my gun!

OMG Obama my BFF!

Not that I'm not all hip to the jive, but I just can't tell you how excited I am that I can get a text message when the messiah announces his pick for vice president! I mean, like, for sure! I'm so there! I'm ... I'm ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I Love Irony!

Right up front, I think man-made global warming is a myth. However, I do think that there are cyclical changes that cause heating and cooling. Anyway, enough seriousness.

Some earth-loving geniuses down under decided to have a "Climate Torch Relay" in order to "focus even more attention on the impact and urgency of global warming". I'm sorry, but that just has fun written all over it. But, it gets so much better.

Here is the absolutely priceless event summary headline from the Aussie paper, Lithgow Mercury: "Too cold for global warming relay." Beautiful! Read the whole article here. I just love when this happens. Of course, not enough sense amongst all these people to either check the weather forecast or move it to a desert where there is at least a semblance of warmth? Either that or man up and absorb a little frostbite to prove your loyalty to your cause.

Bigfoot Is Still Fake

Much to my surprise and I'm sure yours too, the jokers that claimed that they had found Bigfoot were full of fur. While it am not surprised that there are still people out there that will try to do anything they can for publicity (see: Madonna, Al Franken, ESPN, all child celebrities that can't deal with reality), it fascinates me that there are enough people gullible enough to believe it.

Here's the quote that I loved the best: "The so-called corpse was found to be an Internet-purchased Sasquatch costume stuffed with possum roadkill and slaughterhouse leftovers." How many things are wrong with that? "Possum roadkill"? "Slaughterhouse leftovers"? Is it just me, or does that just scream drunk-uneducated-backwoods-bucktooth-hillbilly-moonshine-party? Forgive me for the redundancy.

Here I Am

Well, for whatever reason, I'm blogging now. I guess it seems like all the "cool kids" are doing it, and I just want to be cool! I had set up a blog on another site which shall remain nameless, so I'm trying it here now.